1
00:00:00,501 --> 00:00:02,001
Daddy?

2
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,503
Yes, my son?

3
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,306
What color is God?

4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,239
Blue.

5
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,043
That's why America
put the blue in the flag.

6
00:00:13,244 --> 00:00:14,584
What are you drawing?

7
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:17,647
A picture of me and God
playing soccer.

8
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:19,519
Oh, that's cute, honey.

9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,592
But God doesn't play
soccer. He plays football.

10
00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,255
Who's that?

11
00:00:25,256 --> 00:00:27,328
That's God's best
friend Mike Ditka.

12
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,167
JIM: Oh, baby!

13
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,070
All right, kids,

14
00:00:40,071 --> 00:00:43,343
you get whatever
costume you want. Go on.

15
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,814
ALL: Yay!

16
00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:47,447
Under three dollars.
Jim...

17
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,449
You can't get a
costume for three dollars.

18
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,581
Oh, what are you talking about?

19
00:00:51,582 --> 00:00:53,683
Here, look at this.

20
00:00:53,684 --> 00:00:56,486
I'm a sheriff! Look
at my shiny tin star.

21
00:00:56,487 --> 00:00:58,489
Oh! And it only cost me...

22
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,431
Five bucks?
See?

23
00:01:01,432 --> 00:01:03,163
Yeah, well, not if it's broken.

24
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,834
Give me that!

25
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:08,438
Oh, Jim, look, an electronic
talking Gollum head.

26
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:11,801
We must haves it!
We must haves it!

27
00:01:11,802 --> 00:01:13,603
Come on, you're
creeping me out. Stop it.

28
00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:15,345
Why does it hurts us?

29
00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:16,676
Stop it!

30
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,309
Oh, I hate this. I never
know what to wear.

31
00:01:19,310 --> 00:01:21,412
Dana, do we really
have to do this?

32
00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,483
What?

33
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,255
It's Halloween. You
don't have a boyfriend.

34
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:26,857
You know you're gonna
show the goods.

35
00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:29,519
What?

36
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,594
Yeah, yeah, you're thinking French
maid, go-go dancer, or cheerleader.

37
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,197
It's Catwoman.
Mmm-hmm.

38
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,600
I wore it in the shower,
and now it fits purrfect.

39
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,803
What did Mom do to you?

40
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,406
JIM: Hey, Cheryl,
check it out.

41
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,708
I got a giant ass.

42
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:53,112
(FAKE LAUGHS) Then
again, who am I to talk?

43
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:57,187
I don't know, Andy. Should we
be two guys with giant asses?

44
00:01:57,188 --> 00:01:59,619
I don't know, Jim.
It's almost too clever.

45
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,151
Yeah.

46
00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:04,424
We need something that rocks.

47
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,527
Hey, I got it. Why
don't we go as Kiss?

48
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,829
Yeah, I'll be Gene Simmons,
and you'll be Paul Stanley.

49
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,462
Liking it...
No, loving it.

50
00:02:12,463 --> 00:02:14,604
Yes, yes. I'll do
the tongue thing

51
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:16,906
and I'll blow fire
and I'll spit blood.

52
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,238
What do I do?

53
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,539
You throw a sock in your pants

54
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:22,242
and enjoy being the second
most popular guy in the band.

55
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,643
BOTH: Sweet.

56
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,716
Daddy, look at our costumes.
I'm gonna be a cowgirl.

57
00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:29,749
Wow, look at that.
And on sale.

58
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,481
Wow.

59
00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:33,483
I am going to be Lady Liberty.

60
00:02:33,484 --> 00:02:34,525
Look at you.
Oh...

61
00:02:36,527 --> 00:02:38,289
I'm Cinderella.

62
00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:48,439
Cheryl,

63
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:50,700
I'll be at the bar.

64
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,443
What bar?
Any bar.

65
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,706
Here. I can't really
enjoy this now.

66
00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:08,418
Is Daddy gonna be okay?

67
00:03:08,419 --> 00:03:09,519
Yes, honey.

68
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,960
Yeah, he didn't talk
the whole way home,

69
00:03:10,961 --> 00:03:12,863
even when that lady
showed him the bad finger.

70
00:03:14,825 --> 00:03:16,196
I told you, she was just waving.

71
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,629
She thinks Daddy's name
is Richard,

72
00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:20,830
because she kept calling him...

73
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:23,403
Okay! Who wants
a snack, huh?

74
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,975
I think Mama may have left
some cookies in the kitchen.

75
00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:28,238
All right, you guys,
remember, just take one.

76
00:03:28,239 --> 00:03:29,440
Thank you.

77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,511
Okay, Jim.

78
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,713
Jim.
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.

79
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,215
Don't worry about it.
It's a Halloween costume.

80
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,289
It's a dress.

81
00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:43,553
And I can't believe that I stood
there and watched you buy a dress

82
00:03:43,554 --> 00:03:45,795
for my only son!

83
00:03:45,796 --> 00:03:50,560
Well, technically, you were on
time-out in the car at that point.

84
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:53,603
Honey, we told him, get
whatever costume you want.

85
00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:55,335
Why Cinderella?

86
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,938
He has two sisters. He
watches that video with them.

87
00:03:58,609 --> 00:03:59,610
The video.

88
00:04:01,412 --> 00:04:02,472
What are you doing?

89
00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:04,914
No more tapes.
Tapes make girls.

90
00:04:04,915 --> 00:04:06,516
Oh!

91
00:04:06,517 --> 00:04:09,319
Look at this.
Free To Be... You And Me.

92
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,750
Not anymore.

93
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,951
Jim...

94
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,354
Here. Cinderella.

95
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,786
I can't believe you keep
this garbage in the house

96
00:04:16,787 --> 00:04:21,591
while you make me hide my
tapes in the upstairs closet.

97
00:04:21,592 --> 00:04:25,865
Yeah, Jim, we're all really fooled
by that big box marked "Tax returns."

98
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,467
Well, I'm throwing them out.

99
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,499
What? No, no,
the girls love this.

100
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:32,972
That's my point, Cheryl.
The girls. Exactly.

101
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,375
My boy hangs out
with all the girls.

102
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,006
You, Ruby, the
little one... Gracie.

103
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:38,008
Gracie!

104
00:04:39,009 --> 00:04:41,411
You girls are very cliquish.

105
00:04:41,412 --> 00:04:42,852
In order to feel like
he's in the in crowd,

106
00:04:42,853 --> 00:04:44,454
he's gotta put on a dress!

107
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:47,657
Oh! Would you rather
he picked a violent costume

108
00:04:47,658 --> 00:04:51,060
like a killer ninja or
a soldier with a machine gun?

109
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:53,963
I would be very proud of my son

110
00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:57,397
if he were to honor our
brave men in uniform

111
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,998
or the killer ninjas!

112
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,700
Oh, okay, you know what?

113
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,672
You know what?
I get it. I get it.

114
00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:05,505
You're worried that if he puts on a
dress, he's gonna turn out to be gay.

115
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,536
No, Cheryl.
Yeah.

116
00:05:06,537 --> 00:05:08,007
Wrong, Cheryl.
Yeah, well...

117
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,379
If he turns out to be gay,

118
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:10,680
there's nothing
I can do about it.

119
00:05:10,681 --> 00:05:12,612
But I can still raise
him to be a man,

120
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,083
and men don't wear dresses!

121
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,015
Oh, come on.

122
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,256
You know, Dana and I put Andy in girl's
clothes all the time, and he turned out...

123
00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:25,095
Anyway, it's not a big deal.

124
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:27,997
Cheryl...
(KIDS SCREAMING)

125
00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:31,501
Hey, hey, hey! Okay,
okay, hey, hey, hey! Kyle!

126
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:33,633
Come on, honey, you know
you have to play nice, right?

127
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,435
No monsters, no chasing.

128
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,536
Yes, Mommy.

129
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:38,108
Okay.
No, no, no, no, no.

130
00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:40,941
Don't listen to her.

131
00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,112
You listen to me, okay?

132
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:46,377
You, you hunt
those girls down, okay?

133
00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:48,978
You catch those girls,

134
00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:50,619
and you stick boogers
all over their face!

135
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:52,852
You understand me?

136
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,123
That a boy.
Go get 'em!

137
00:05:54,124 --> 00:05:55,985
(ROARING)

138
00:05:55,986 --> 00:05:57,927
And sometimes
they hide in the dryer.

139
00:05:57,928 --> 00:05:58,929
Oh.

140
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,561
Okay.

141
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,132
I finally see what
the problem is.

142
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,394
You?

143
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:06,466
Yes, you.

144
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:09,469
Cheryl, come on, you're
not letting the boy be a boy.

145
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,741
You tell him, "Kyle, no yelling.

146
00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:13,403
"Kyle, no running.

147
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:15,745
"Kyle, watch Oprah with me.
It's about diets."

148
00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,376
Oh!

149
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,878
Yes. What are you talking about?

150
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,481
Just 'cause I don't want
him to terrorize his sisters?

151
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,813
Cheryl, that's what boys do.

152
00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:25,985
And when they grow up,
they play sports,

153
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,488
and they hit each other for fun

154
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,592
and throw big things off
the roof for no reason at all.

155
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,625
Is that what happened
to that watermelon?

156
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:39,629
No, Cheryl, we blew that
up with illegal fireworks.

157
00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:40,700
What?

158
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,473
Why? Because we're men.

159
00:06:43,474 --> 00:06:44,935
And we had illegal fireworks.

160
00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:49,178
Yeah, honey, you're
an excellent male role model.

161
00:06:49,179 --> 00:06:51,741
I can't believe I didn't pick
up on what you've been doing.

162
00:06:51,742 --> 00:06:52,882
What?

163
00:06:52,883 --> 00:06:56,516
You let these little
girls paint his toenails.

164
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,788
You ask him to bake
cookies with you.

165
00:06:58,789 --> 00:07:00,450
He loves that!

166
00:07:00,451 --> 00:07:02,992
What do you mean... (GASPS) I
even got him his own little apron.

167
00:07:02,993 --> 00:07:04,794
It's so cute.

168
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:06,856
Cheryl, that is
not cute! Yes, it is.

169
00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:08,699
No, that is sick!

170
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:13,032
Cheryl, you have
one job as a mother.

171
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:16,136
Keep the girls off the pole
and the boy out of a dress.

172
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:18,769
Is that so hard?

173
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,872
Now I'm gonna go
upstairs, drink,

174
00:07:22,873 --> 00:07:24,545
and go over some tax returns.

175
00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,223
(DOORBELL RINGS)

176
00:07:38,228 --> 00:07:39,859
KIDS: Trick or treat.

177
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,131
Wow, what do we have here?

178
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,564
A soldier, a monkey, and...

179
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,866
Warren G. Harding.

180
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:51,871
I presided over the
Teapot Dome Scandal.

181
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,975
Well, I hope you don't
veto my lollipop.

182
00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:02,752
All right, why don't you guys put this
on the porch, 'cause we're gonna go out,

183
00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:04,784
so we're gonna use
the honor system.

184
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,957
Yeah, the honor system.

185
00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:10,591
That always works.

186
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:13,724
Excuse me. Hi.

187
00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:15,566
Me-ow!

188
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:19,499
Yeah, kid, like I'm dating
10-year-olds these days.

189
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:21,631
I have an older brother.

190
00:08:21,632 --> 00:08:25,174
How old? Never mind.
Just beat it, kid.

191
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:28,277
So, what do you think? I'm
a little worried it's kinda too...

192
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:29,640
Slutty?

193
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,884
I was gonna say shiny, but okay.

194
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,787
Oh, you guys look so adorable.

195
00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:39,188
We should take some pictures.

196
00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,750
Yeah, we already did.

197
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:42,892
Oh.

198
00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:46,956
Okay, great, well, I guess I'll
just remember how I look in this.

199
00:08:46,957 --> 00:08:48,957
Okay, I'm gonna go use
the litter box before we go.

200
00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:53,764
Hey, ooh.
Whoa! Yes!

201
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,636
Wow, look at you.

202
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,969
Remind me later to
turn my head and cough.

203
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,072
Oh, hey, come on in, come on in.

204
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,914
(IMITATING FANFARE)
Aw.

205
00:09:04,915 --> 00:09:06,215
JIM: Look at that, huh?

206
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,747
Isn't it nice?
Yes.

207
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:09,118
We all went to the store,

208
00:09:09,119 --> 00:09:11,320
and obviously, under
a man's tutelage,

209
00:09:11,321 --> 00:09:13,883
Kyle picked a great costume.

210
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,625
Not cheap, by the way.

211
00:09:15,626 --> 00:09:17,326
Hey, show her
what a T. rex does.

212
00:09:17,327 --> 00:09:18,859
(ROARS)

213
00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:21,260
The kid.

214
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,192
(ROARS)

215
00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:24,834
Oh, wow!
That a boy!

216
00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:25,935
And how about this?

217
00:09:25,936 --> 00:09:28,599
On the way home he let one rip,

218
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:31,341
and he yelled,
"Fire in the hole!"

219
00:09:32,943 --> 00:09:34,674
I think we're back on track.

220
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,948
Wow, yeah, but, honey, why did
you get him a girl T. rex costume?

221
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:44,685
I'm kidding!

222
00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:48,719
Cheryl, nobody likes
a funny nurse.

223
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,721
Well, honey, you look great.

224
00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:54,764
And if he's happy, I'm
happy. Come on, girls.

225
00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:56,666
Honey, I'm taking them
to their school party,

226
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,267
so we're meeting in front
of the Miller's in an hour.

227
00:09:58,268 --> 00:09:59,899
Hour.
Right?

228
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,230
Okay, Miller. All
right, Dana, let's go.

229
00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:02,371
Coming!

230
00:10:02,372 --> 00:10:05,335
Is it me, or am I looking
extra hot tonight?

231
00:10:08,038 --> 00:10:09,980
You're gonna turn
some heads, honey.

232
00:10:10,981 --> 00:10:12,182
Come on, young man, let's go.

233
00:10:23,994 --> 00:10:26,696
Hello, Chicago!

234
00:10:26,697 --> 00:10:30,931
Are you ready to rock
and roll all night? Whoo!

235
00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:34,865
Are you all right?

236
00:10:36,707 --> 00:10:38,007
You all right?

237
00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:39,308
Yeah.

238
00:10:39,309 --> 00:10:40,910
Fix your sock, would you?

239
00:10:40,911 --> 00:10:42,713
Oh. Thanks.

240
00:10:43,113 --> 00:10:44,373
Ah, man.

241
00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:47,116
I used two cans of talcum
powder to fit in these pants.

242
00:10:47,117 --> 00:10:49,118
Yeah. I know
how you feel.

243
00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:51,120
These are really tight, too.

244
00:10:51,121 --> 00:10:54,253
If I spot a dollar on the ground, bend over
to get it, all hell's gonna break loose.

245
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,786
Come on, my little T. rex,
let's go trick-or-treating!

246
00:10:56,787 --> 00:10:59,889
Hee hee! Halloween, baby! Yeah!

247
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:03,063
We're gonna rock and roll
all night and part of every day.

248
00:11:06,436 --> 00:11:09,068
Did you say "part of every day"?

249
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,940
Yeah, those are the lyrics.

250
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,443
"Rock and roll all night
and part of every day."

251
00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:17,707
So you're telling me Kiss

252
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,880
sets aside part of every day

253
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,382
not to rock and roll?

254
00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:35,294
Kyle,

255
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,067
(STAMMERING) where's
the dinosaur outfit?

256
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:40,399
I want to be Cinderella.

257
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:45,074
Ooh... No, no, Kyle, no,
you can't be Cinderella.

258
00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:48,938
Don't you remember I went to the
store and bought you a dinosaur outfit

259
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:52,441
because that's what you wanted when we could
have gotten a perfectly fine zombie mask

260
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:53,744
for half the price?

261
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:56,715
I like Cinderella.

262
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,988
What do you mean,
you like Cinderella?

263
00:11:58,989 --> 00:12:01,220
Cinderella doesn't spit fire.

264
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,292
Cinderella doesn't eat Tokyo.

265
00:12:03,293 --> 00:12:05,054
Actually, that's Godzilla.

266
00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,226
Andy...

267
00:12:08,799 --> 00:12:11,901
Kyle, Daddy would prefer it
if you went upstairs

268
00:12:11,902 --> 00:12:13,462
and put your dinosaur outfit on.

269
00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:15,034
Cinderella!

270
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,906
Cinderella is a girl!

271
00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:21,941
Cinderella!
Cinderella! Cinderella!

272
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,474
All right, now you either go upstairs
and put your dinosaur outfit on

273
00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:27,316
and we can go trick-or-treating,

274
00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:30,220
or you stay in that dress and
we stay home. Your choice.

275
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:31,882
Stay home.

276
00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:35,986
(PROTESTING)

277
00:12:38,428 --> 00:12:39,859
Fine.

278
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:42,292
You want to play
that game, I can play.

279
00:12:44,995 --> 00:12:46,036
I'm a player!

280
00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:54,143
Oh, come on, guys.

281
00:12:54,144 --> 00:12:58,047
I painted my chest hair black and
shoved Jim's socks down my pants.

282
00:12:58,048 --> 00:13:01,812
If I don't end the night with a pillowcase
full of candy, someone's gonna freakin' pay!

283
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:10,290
(PLAYING BLUES ON PIANO)

284
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,025
(DOORBELL RINGS)

285
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:20,169
I got it.
Don't get up.

286
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:21,972
At least someone's
trick-or-treating tonight.

287
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:27,407
Oh, Star Wars, huh?

288
00:13:28,138 --> 00:13:29,179
Yeah.

289
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:33,182
First of all, you're a Jedi
with a red lightsaber,

290
00:13:33,183 --> 00:13:34,914
which was only
used by the dark side.

291
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,916
Secondly, that's
a Mace Windu tunic

292
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,219
with Anakin's signature
brown trousers.

293
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:41,191
You're a fraud.

294
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:45,594
These are not the
candies you're looking for.

295
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:46,596
Move along.

296
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,305
Come on, you guys, I don't
want to stay here all night.

297
00:13:56,306 --> 00:14:00,240
This body was built by candy,
and they're giving it away out there.

298
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,974
All right, that's it.

299
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:07,577
You go upstairs right now, and
you put that dinosaur outfit on.

300
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:09,219
No.

301
00:14:13,423 --> 00:14:14,623
You like candy?

302
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:15,986
Mmm-hmm.

303
00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:18,127
What kind do you like?

304
00:14:18,128 --> 00:14:19,489
Chocolate.

305
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:21,992
Kyle!

306
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,365
You know, I did not know that.

307
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,169
You know, this neighborhood
is lousy with chocolate.

308
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:33,102
Oh, yeah, yeah, Kyle.
The Egans next door?

309
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:35,474
They have a swimming
pool full of chocolate.

310
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,178
And their Jacuzzi
is full of marshmallows.

311
00:14:38,909 --> 00:14:40,279
You're a liar!

312
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,952
You're a liar!
Andy!

313
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,955
Fine. You know what?
I don't need to stay here.

314
00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:47,056
He's not my kid.

315
00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:49,289
I'm gonna go
trick-or-treating on my own.

316
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:55,525
Actually, without the kid I'm just a
creepy old guy with a sock in my pants.

317
00:14:58,328 --> 00:15:02,501
All right, I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,

318
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,634
but I'm gonna have to
call the Halloween police.

319
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:08,177
That's right, Kyle.

320
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:09,679
What you're doing is illegal.

321
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:12,982
And they're not
gonna arrest you.

322
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,185
No, they're gonna come
and take Daddy away.

323
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,686
Is that what you want?

324
00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:19,989
I want to be Cinderella!

325
00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:23,292
All right! That's it. I need
a break. You want a beer?

326
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:28,028
Nah, drinking makes me sweat, and the talcum
powder in these pants is gonna cake up.

327
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,701
See if you can get Cinderella
to take that dress off.

328
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:36,236
If I do, it'll be the first time I
ever got anyone out of a dress.

329
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,982
Kyle!

330
00:15:54,184 --> 00:15:56,325
So, this is how you turn out?

331
00:15:56,326 --> 00:16:00,329
Yep. I never take the dress off again,
I have no confidence with women,

332
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:01,561
everybody hates me.

333
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,335
I knew it!

334
00:16:05,996 --> 00:16:07,496
Dad, I'm kidding.

335
00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:09,738
I'm four. Why are you getting
so bent out of shape?

336
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:13,272
Because you're a boy, and
boys don't wear dresses.

337
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,743
Mom says it's okay.

338
00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:18,207
Yeah, let me tell you
something about your mom.

339
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:20,609
Okay, I mean, your mom
is a wonderful woman,

340
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:23,753
and I really love her,
but she is a woman.

341
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:29,258
And women sometimes
send some crazy messages.

342
00:16:29,259 --> 00:16:31,590
Like "Your sleeve
is not a Kleenex."

343
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,762
Exactly!

344
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:35,564
I'm damn lucky you're here
to set me straight.

345
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,696
I know! That's what I've
been telling your mother!

346
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:41,571
Well, you know, I'm a figment of your
imagination, so it makes sense that we'd agree.

347
00:16:46,236 --> 00:16:47,507
Touche, self.

348
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:52,641
Look, Kyle,

349
00:16:52,642 --> 00:16:55,544
I've got one job as a father,
and that's to make you a man.

350
00:16:55,545 --> 00:16:57,646
And I don't want to see
you get pushed around.

351
00:16:57,647 --> 00:16:59,348
I won't.

352
00:16:59,349 --> 00:17:01,690
But if you put on a dress, they're
gonna push you around a lot.

353
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,492
I know.

354
00:17:03,493 --> 00:17:07,025
Yeah, but are you strong
enough to push back?

355
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,797
I mean, it's pretty
scary out there.

356
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,399
Well, I've been scared before.

357
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,201
When?

358
00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:14,664
Well, one night when I was
two, I thought you might eat me.

359
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:23,010
Well, keep your fingers off my
plate, and you won't have to worry.

360
00:17:25,475 --> 00:17:27,617
How do I know you're
gonna be strong enough?

361
00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:30,479
Well,

362
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,683
I'm out there on that couch
right now standing up to you,

363
00:17:34,384 --> 00:17:35,385
aren't I?

364
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,391
Well, that's true.

365
00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:46,235
So can we go trick-or-treating?

366
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:49,198
I don't know, Kyle. It's
gonna be so brutal out there.

367
00:17:49,199 --> 00:17:51,571
Yeah, but you're my dad.

368
00:17:52,542 --> 00:17:54,444
You got my back, right?

369
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,218
Yeah.

370
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,390
Right.

371
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,624
Right.

372
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,329
KIDS: Trick or treat!

373
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,604
(LAUGHTER)

374
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,736
What?

375
00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:32,181
What, you've never seen Cinderella
and his ugly stepsisters before?

376
00:18:32,182 --> 00:18:33,482
Walk proud, men.

377
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,785
We are as God made
us. Walk proud.

378
00:18:38,488 --> 00:18:39,489
Damn heels.

379
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,357
All right, girls, go ahead.

380
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:50,629
Hey, don't forget
to say "Thank you."

381
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,402
Hey, Dad, there she is.

382
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:55,565
"Me-ow" is right.

383
00:18:57,507 --> 00:18:58,668
Good call, Son.

384
00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:02,141
I haven't been fixed yet.

385
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,913
Ooh, wow, this is...

386
00:19:04,914 --> 00:19:06,345
They are something.

387
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,416
They're winning this year.

388
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:08,647
Oh, yeah, for sure.

389
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,181
Hey, sailor, watch
where you're grabbing!

390
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:14,502
You know, that's the third
time you've been groped tonight.

391
00:19:14,784 --> 00:19:16,155
Jealous?

392
00:19:17,227 --> 00:19:19,528
Oh, my God.

393
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:22,791
You went from Kiss to Cher.

394
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:25,664
Well, look, if my son
is gonna put on a dress,

395
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,396
I gotta have his back.

396
00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,898
Hey, I like that color.
It's slimming.

397
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:32,801
I like your outfit, too. I guess
skank was on back order.

398
00:19:32,802 --> 00:19:35,173
That's funny.
So when are you due?

399
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,245
All right, bring it.

400
00:19:36,246 --> 00:19:37,946
JIM: Hey, hey, hey,
come on, come on!

401
00:19:37,947 --> 00:19:39,808
Hey, do you mind
taking this one?

402
00:19:39,809 --> 00:19:40,949
Come on, Kyle.

403
00:19:40,950 --> 00:19:42,381
MAN: Hey, nice rack.

404
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,183
BOTH: Thank you.

405
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,316
So...

406
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,488
What happened to the dinosaur?

407
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,490
Well, he changed his mind.

408
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:52,691
Come on, he's four years old.

409
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,862
Will you just let it go, Cheryl?

410
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,964
(CHUCKLES) So you're
okay with it?

411
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:59,299
Well, I wouldn't have put a
bra on if I wasn't okay with it.

412
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:01,600
I don't know if I ever told you,

413
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,232
but you make a beautiful bride.

414
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:04,303
Oh, yeah?

415
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:05,374
And a hell of a father.

416
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,437
(LAUGHS)
You make a hot nurse.

417
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:10,679
Oh, honey, I don't
think I can flirt with you.

418
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,720
You're wearing my Great
Aunt Bertha's wedding dress.

419
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,315
I'm not wearing underwear.

420
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,287
You're not wearing underwear
but you're wearing a bra?

421
00:20:18,288 --> 00:20:19,448
Makes me feel pretty.

422
00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:20,719
Huh.

423
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,850
MAN: Hey, nice rack.

424
00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:22,922
Hey!

425
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:27,997
Thank you.

426
00:20:28,598 --> 00:20:29,858
No.

427
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:30,930
Thank you.

428
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:44,613
(DOORBELL RINGS)

429
00:20:44,614 --> 00:20:45,745
Yours.

430
00:20:46,516 --> 00:20:47,517
Knitting.

431
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:49,979
Reading.

432
00:20:57,627 --> 00:20:59,488
(STAMMERS)
Can I help you?

433
00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:01,561
Yeah! We're, like, your
daughters, Gracie and Ruby.

434
00:21:02,892 --> 00:21:04,593
No!

435
00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:06,296
Except we're all grown up now.

436
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,797
No!

437
00:21:08,798 --> 00:21:11,370
Bye, Daddy. We gotta
go dance on poles

438
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,473
while men throw money at us!

439
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,607
Nooo! (ECHOING)

440
00:21:18,748 --> 00:21:20,048
No, no! No!

441
00:21:20,049 --> 00:21:22,381
What?

442
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:25,354
No more dance lessons
for the girls.

443
00:21:25,355 --> 00:21:27,387
Jim, chili dogs give
you stripper dreams.